I don’t know if it is this way for everyone… but when you lose someone you love, does it sometimes feel as if time sort of freezes and stands still?
Last weekend marked the second anniversary since my dear father passed away. He passed quite suddenly (although in hindsight there were warning signs that at the time I failed to acknowledge), but he was at home – where he wanted to be – with his two daughters, my sister and I, by his side. The memory of that day is etched in my mind as clear as if it were yesterday.
So how could two years possibly have passed by since then, if I am able to remember that day so clearly, when I can’t even remember what I ate for lunch one week ago? And as more time passes, will that day and the memory of my dad as he was always be so clear, or will it begin to fade over time? My earliest memory of him is as my protector who sang “Halleluja” to me under a starlit sky, but he was also a philosopher and traveller who showed me the world, from Europe to America, Russia and India, and a published author who shared with me and passed on his great passion for writing… If I am continuing to age as everyone does, growing and changing with the years, will I still remember the man who was in my life just 26 short years?
Probably the best marker of time for me is my daughter, Isla Raine, who was born two days after my dad’s birthday (a belated gift for him…), in the very same hospital where he stayed six months before he passed, and whose middle name we chose in honour of my dad, Rainer.
Over these two years I have made a conscious effort to talk to Isla about her “Opi”, to keep his memory alive by showing her his photos, reading her his stories and singing his songs with her. It all paid off when, just the other day, she looked me deep in the eyes and said something I’ll never forget: “Opi is in my belly.” I knew straight away what she meant: a child’s innocent version of saying that Opi is in her heart, just as I must have explained to her at some time or another.
Both my beautiful daughter with her sweet revelations and evidence of the slow but steady passing of time, have been the greatest healers in this whole process of grieving. Because all around me, so many things appear to stay the same, until I look a little closer and realise… My dad’s house looks very different now, and the people occupying it have changed. The plants and flowers in his garden have grown tall and healthy. The citrus, mango and custard apple trees he planted more than a decade ago are now finally producing luscious and abundant fruit.
And me? Well… just as I had first resented the fact that I will never again learn anything more from my dad, I realise that this is not the case at all… because even though he is gone, I am here and with age and maturity the lessons I gained from him begin to take on a new light as I bask in the memories of a wonderful man who, through his work as a psychological healer, changed many people’s lives and taught me a great deal in the process. So far this newfound wisdom has even given me the strength to write about my experience here, and I know he would feel eternally proud.
I love the ancient ritual of the blessingway. Instead of the traditional baby shower where people are subtly expected to shower the mother-to-be with expensive gifts, the blessingway is a low-key alternative that focuses more on giving her the not-so-obvious things to take on her journey through birth and beyond. These include words of support, positive affirmations and generally just a sense of being “there” for the mother.
Earlier today on a relatively secluded beach beneath a perfect blue sky, my pregnant friend had her blossoming belly painted with henna as a group of her women friends shared food and honoured the growing baby inside. Each woman in the group contributed a bead and spoke about its significance before threading it onto a wire to form a beautiful necklace for the mum to wear at the birth. A ball of cotton was passed around the circle and wrapped around everyone’s wrist, binding the group together. Each of us then broke off the cotton and wrapped the dangling pieces around our wrists to wear as a reminder of the ceremony and symbol of support until our friend gives birth.
The whole ritual got me thinking about how with all these big events that are celebrated – whether it be Christmas, birthdays or the birth of a new baby – we often get so caught up in the modern tradition that we automatically connect it with spending money and giving gifts when, in reality, it really is those things money can’t buy that are often the most valuable of all.
In this situation, each woman contributes a few dollars to belly art for our friend, which bought a nice bead or two for the necklace. We also all brought along a simple plate of healthy food, but no-one was out-of-pocket by much. Simply by turning up each person did their bit in making it a beautiful, memorable experience for the mother-to-be. In my opinion, half a dozen pairs of baby booties and an oversized box of Huggies nappies could never compare to this.
I have made the decision to throw out all my daughter’s baby clothes. For more than two years I’ve been hanging onto them, with the excuse that they can be used for the “next baby”, and it’s taken me this long to realise that – for now, at least – there will be no “next baby”. What I have finally admitted to myself is that in actual fact, I am trying to hang on to the baby that was, the one who is now a toddler – walking, talking, even taking herself to the toilet when nature calls. Whilst my baby has been growing up, I have not!
The tiny sleepsuits, adorable winter beanies, socks and booties are clear reminders of those first few beautiful months. But I don’t want to hang onto them any longer. With all the ambitions that take over my mind on a daily basis, it might be another three years before this “next baby” shows its face. In the meantime the clothes will just sit in a room, taking up space and acquiring a yellowish tinge that will make them appear unsuitable for any baby in the future.
But it got me thinking again how many times things like this can mirror what is really going on in our lives. We can hang onto things in fear of losing the slice of life we feel we will miss without them, the fear of the change that will come about if we let go. For example, we hang onto friends that don’t make us feel good, old habits, past hurts and damaging thought patterns that no longer serve us or that have a negative impact on our wellbeing – all because of fear.
In this very same way I am physically hanging onto my daughter’s baby clothes because… I miss that period in my life. But until I allow myself to pass them on, I feel I can’t fully move on to the next phase of parenting. I am contradicting the very message I am always trying to teach my child: “You’re not a baby anymore so you don’t need a dummy / bottle / breastmilk / nappies. You’re a little girl, which is much more fun because it means you can go to the park and do other really exciting stuff.”
Indeed. Life is a journey and to move through it smoothly and gracefully, without holding on to old grudges and regrets, is truly an art.
My daughter knows that she is growing up and she is embracing the changes with great enthusiasm. I suppose this is one of the many lessons she is about to teach me about being happy in the moment, as well as embracing the inevitable – change – with a smile and an open heart.
Age is a funny thing. And I now understand why some people say it is really a state of mind... it's how you feel (though others may argue that whoever says that just doesn't want to admit that they're old!!) As children we are always in a rush to grow up - to be seen as mature, independent beings, able to do things on our own. I am witnessing this already in my two-year-old, Isla, whose favourite phrase is: "Isla dooos it!!"
For all of us it's different, but I think for me it hit when I turned twenty, that I was no longer in a rush to get older. Even more recently though, on reaching 28 (my big Saturn Return year) I came to finally realising that while I still am in no rush to get older, I also am no longer wishing I was any younger.
For a while I think I was worried that over the years my looks would fade, I'd get (the inevitable) wrinkles, would find the most basic yoga class a great challenge and health problems would soar. The irony in that is that with each consecutive birthday I only become more aware of the importance of expanding my knowledge on health, fitness and general wellbeing. And so it is this new wisdom that makes me feel suddenly comfortable with the skin I'm in, without that old anxiety plaguing me over my looks, etc.
Now, while I still try to take good care of myself physically, it is not so much about what others think as it may have been in my teens and early twenties, than it is about how I feel... in other words, I am not striving to create some "image" of myself to others, but am getting more in touch with what does and does not feel right for me.
As an example - to mark my impending year of Saturn Return, I decided to take the plunge and cut off all my hair, a move I had been aching to make in years, but had never had the courage to do before.
This time it was easy: there was no hesitation, no long, drawn out rituals of saying goodbye to my long, bleached locks and, most importantly, no change of heart right at the eleventh hour. I just went in there, and without any real plan or anybody knowing what I was about to do (as I hadn't wanted to set myself up for disappointment) I just did it. And straight away I became a new woman: somehow liberated.
Three weeks on, and the compliments are still coming. But I think more than my looks, it has been my bravery people are commending. I even had quite a few people say I have inspired them to do the same – to free themselves from the burden of fussing and that sticky summer sacrifice that often comes with flaunting gorgeous tresses. My partner is not smitten with my new look, but I have reason to believe this is only because he is trying to hang on to the 15-year-old long-haired brunette gypsy girl he met so long ago... an image that may have matched who I was then, but does not match the me I have since become.
It seems as though we always talk about what we want to do, rather than just doing it. As humans we are, both literally and metaphorically, attached to not just our hair but to our youthful looks. But I'd like to think that with age comes the wisdom to know the difference between feeling good because others approve of you and feeling good because you approve of yourself.
The theme of the Byron Bay Writer's Festival this year was passion. I went to one of the talks on that topic- three writers revealing the things that make them tick and the feeling they get from doing those things. Obviously they all loved writing, but what they spoke about were the other passions they have in their lives. One woman said she felt passionate about talking to strangers and including people who looked as if they were on their own. She said it made her feel so happy she could burst (and that woman just looked happy, in fact I don't think she stopped smiling during the entire talk).
Now, isn't that a feeling we all want? I know that when I'm doing something I truly love doing, I become the me I really want to be. It gives me a sense of achievement that nothing else can. That's the theory that led me to the doorstep of The Art of Healing last month. The work here is feeding my passion for health by informing people through the written word (my other big fixation in life).
As a busy mother of a two-year-old it isn't always easy to keep my creative voice alive. And at times I feel as if my partner would prefer it if I simply resigned myself to the fact that I am now a mum, a cook and a domestic goddess and focus purely on these things. But in actual fact, I am doing him and our daughter a great favour by following my path to happiness – my yellow brick road: I am nurturing myself and am therefore more capable of nurturing those around me. Kind of like that old saying: "You can't love anyone until you love yourself."
Take time out for you, to foster the creativity within you, as it can be so easy to lose sight of your passion when you are working a 9-5 job or caught up in a routine of kids and cleaning. I have noticed that even my - at times - insular partner is much more receptive and kind to me when he's engaging in a bit of DIY and gardening: two things that give him that sense of accomplishment - something I feel we all need in our lives.
No matter how busy you are, set aside some time each day to do whatever gives you that healthy buzz... and witness the dominoe effect it creates in your life.
I just couldn't let Valentine's Day go by without some comment about love - as commercial as this day has become. Interestingly, I was watching a DVD last night called Women In Love, directed by Ken Russell and based on the novel by D.H. Lawrence. And putting it into the context of Valentine's Day in 2011, is quite revealing really. How different it was back then. I mean really people "fell-in-love". I don't mean to sound jaded (perhaps this is to do with my age or from editing The Art of Healing for so many years, or both) but... I just believe that we create everything that we want. What we see is a mirror of ourselves ie. what we want to see, what we want to believe, what we want to project, what we want to perceive...I don't think this should [necessarily] be a bad thing, it just changes it - hopefully for the better actually, because you are not seeing something that isn't really real - that you have just created in your head. The other thing about love is, that it is not just about this one other person that you are with or want to meet, that you are loading expectations on, to make you happy! I am sorry, but I am with the sector that says we need to love and respect ourselves first, and then project that onto everyone else. We all need to take responsibility for who we are, and then just "love the one(s) your with!"
5 October 2010
How are you coping with change? Me, I'm laughing a lot these days, and it feels just wonderful. There is just so much going on, so much change happening in every sphere, I really think it is one of the best things we can do to retain some sense of balance (aside of course from retaining an inner focus and strength via energy healing practices such as yoga, relaxation and meditation, tai chi, (for example) - on a daily basis). But back to laughing - I am really tuning in to how I laugh. I have noticed for instance that this has changed just over the last few weeks. I now tip my head back a bit and really feel the laughter coming out through my throat area (it is actually not a belly-laugh ...yet). I am thinking this may be due to some more focussed singing I have been doing lately - in the car. Don't you just love it. The car is a great place to practice singing because no-one else can hear you - I am also experimenting with roaring which is great fun. All of this activity ie. laughing and singing, I think is also working on a deeper level by affecting my sense of self. As I go about my day-to-day business I find myself looking at the world a little differently. I feel a little outside of what is going on, a viewer who can see so much absurdity in so many things, which makes me laugh. And I don't mean laughing I am laughing sarcastically either. I think I am laughing because it is really funny how we are not getting it, and that is really worth laughing about, because somehow it is all OK. Am I making any sense to you? Hope so.
8 September 2010
Do you remember that song? "Signs, Signs, Everywhere is Signs. Blocking out the scenery, shaping my mind. Do this don't do that can't you read the signs". Not sure who wrote or sang the song (perhaps someone can let me know). It was a great song. And how pertinent is that message! No wonder advertisers jumped onto signs - they can influence us so much. Just imagine if signs were used more usefully though. What about "Love yourself, You Deserve It" for a sign. Perhaps it could be displayed at roundabouts or something. But I am digressing. What I really wanted to say, is how our lives can change when we start taking notice of 'life' signs occurring around us all the time. For instance, I really notice birds these days - I am really noticing the Kookaburras right at the moment. And when I check out the spiritual significance of these birds in Scott Alexander King's book Animal Dreaming he says they are about Healing the Self and taking responsibility for your own healing. How's that. I absolutely love these birds and they come in for me a lot. Another one is crows (Law) that have a special significance for a lot of people, and also the magpies (Balance). Taking notice of incidents, and how and when they occur, and their possible significance is another one. Aside from anything, it is really FUN once you start observing how things happen. I think it also helps us to let go of attachments and expectations with each other. Once we relinquish control, life can take on a totally different and exciting dimension.
17 August 2010
I'm reading a book at the moment called Enlightenment To Go by David Michie, which is largely an interpretation by him of the Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life by Shantideva. Michie suggests, that by reading his book, you will glean a lot of what you need to know about the Buddhist way, without it being so daunting and confronting. I have only just finished reading Part 1 of the book at this stage, which discusses the compassionate mind of enlightenment from a Buddhist perspective, and felt compelled to share some of the Mindfulness exercises he suggests we do at the end of the chapter. (1) Stop yourself at intervals and consider the content of your thoughts and the way that you feel, and how one thing - the thought - leads to the other - the feeling. (2) Approach the exercise as though you were a researcher, trying to reach an objective assessment of your thoughts and feelings. Identify the predominant themes. Are they positive, negative or a balance of the two? Pay particular attention to the habitual thoughts that give rise to any negative feelings. (3) Observe how you talk to yourself during the day. What is the overall tine of your self-talk, and what messages you send yourself. (3) Through this exercise, try to become more aware of the assumptions, interpretations and beliefs you have about yourself and the world around you - especially any recurring patterns and the feelings that they create. I thought these points were excellent - I hope you do too.
19 July 2010
Yes, I know, it's a bit of a negative headline. But you know, I believe there is a place for everything - so that includes negative emotions such as complaining and complacency. It has been a real 'bug-bear' for me lately and it has been coming up a lot. We are all presented with situations all the time where we can choose to say something or do something about things that we are feel are not right or downright wrong - but how often do we actually do this? How often do we rather, choose to 'not create waves' or 'keep the status-quo' or simply, choose not to step into our conflict/confrontation mode. Well, I think the times-are-a-changin'. Now is the time for us to step up, to take responsibility, and to say loudly, strongly, and clearly - No, and to then give the reasons why. For example, I was talking with a friend the other day, who took a friend of hers to lunch to return some favours she had done for her. She said the place they went to was quite expensive, but that they had to wait and hour and a half before they were served, and the food was terrible. She did not say that she had complained about this though. But why not. I believe that by continuing to not say anything, we are breeding more of the same behaviour. When you start giving some thought to this, you will start to see the implications of our not saying anything. The vibe just ripples out, and before you know it we have communities acting the same way - and then governments. Why are we so happy to complain about our governments, but not actually do anything about it. Well we now have a perfect opportunity to complain 'diplomatically' coming up, with the federal election in Australia in August. It is going to be interesting to see how Julia Gillard goes. By the way, a good site to go to that is doing lots of really positive work to get people to become more active about issues that can affect us all is www.getup.org.au. I say, speak up, stand up, and support change.
25 June 2010
I am finding there is no better way to observe your emotions, than when you are in a confrontational situation. When I say confrontational here, I don't mean when you are within a full-blown argument, but before this, as you feel the heat and the anger arising. I have been, and still am (like many of us I think) prepared to do anything to avoid confrontation. But I am really starting to see how much of a cop-out this is, and how complacency is really ruining the world. We have to start stepping up and realising that it is OK to say 'that it is not OK' and to even take it further and do something about it. I have been in a situation I don't like for the last ten years because I have purchased a town house in a strata titled development. Initially, I spent a few years on the committee, and then I stepped down because I was just finding it too stressful and that I was unable to separate my emotions from my decision-making, which I felt wasn't very helpful. But now I am watching my neighbour go through the same thing, and I really want to do something about it. It is not something that is going to be easy to solve, and it will require going through a mediation process which will require me to nominate the person/body I want to dispute. So it does make you feel as though you are finger-pointing - which I don't like, but I just feel really strongly that the communication and decision-making process can be greatly improved. It was amazing to watch myself discussing the reasons why with my neighbour though. I got so heated, and exasperated as I didn't think she really understood what I was trying to do. It did make me think of all the other things in this world that we talk to each other about that we are not happy with ie. additivies in food, big pharma, banks, oil companies etc. and how easy it is for us to just sit back and complain and do nothing about it - aside from being aware and trying not to support them. I think, the time is really coming where we all have to step up. Scary but very empowering. I am not there, but I think I am on the way ...
15 June 2010
I've just got back from my annual pilgrimmage to The Dreaming indigenous festival held at Woodford on the Sunshine Coast in Australia each year in June. I'll give you a few of my highlights here, but also look out for more coverage on Aboriginal people, movies, music and art in future issues of The Art of Healing. The Ruby Hunter tribute (singer/songwriter Archie Roach's life partner who passed very recently) of course was very special, and very moving, and must have been extremely difficult for him. I think every single person in the audience was very grateful to him for what he did for us that night. Thank you Archie. (We are planning to do a story on Ruby in our next issue.) The movie Our Generation we feel is also going to be very important - and its due for national launch and release in September this year, so look out for this one. Producers Damien and Sinem have done an excellent job with their research and showcase the Yolngu nation as an example of an Aboriginal community - past and present. There is a lot of learning to do be done through this film and it is hoped it will also stimulate more yarning and dialogue. Performances in the Blak Dramatics tent were also up to their usual high standard with the theatre work My Name is Sud (Soo-d) being the most outstanding for me. The story was just so compelling - and contemporary, being about how a Sudanese family and how they were integrating (or not) into Australian life. Even more so, because actors in the play were all from the emerging new Sudanese communities that live in the outer Western Sydney suburbs. Musically, I just felt Leah Flanagan is moving ahead in leaps and bounds, and Busby Marou I would have liked to have seen more often. And then of course, there was OKA (Music Profile in our next issue). So the message is, if you haven't been to The Dreaming before, mark it in your Calendar for 2011. It is something - at least once in your lifetime - not to be missed.
1 June 2010
I have now been on this elimination diet - no dairy, no gluten, for going on 3 months. And boy, am I still learning! Last week for instance, I really wanted something sweet for breakfast and as my cupboards were bare (this is the first hint ...always keep stock) and I had no honey, I decided to have some strawberry jam on toast. Now I did read the label first, and noticed it said containing glucose syrup from wheat. I also noticed that this was one of the first items listed, so I did register that this was probably a reasonably high percentage of the ingredients, but I decided to eat it for 2 reasons. As mentioned, I wanted something sweet, but I also thought after 10 weeks on the elimination diet, it wouldn't be a bad idea to see if and how I reacted to it. So, having been deprived for so long, I rather lavishly spread the jam on my 2 slices of gluten-free toast. This was on the Thursday morning. Well ...(I reckon you know what's coming), starting on the Friday, I was REALLY SICK for 3 DAYS. I had restless leg at night and couldn't sleep. I had head pain, low back pain, and stomach pain. I had bloating, cramping and diarrhoea - for 3 days. You know, I am still reeling from that, and I don't think I will ever forget it. I am also quite frankly, still finding it really hard to believe that so little could make such a difference. Interestingly, I am just editing an article by Sue Dengate (author and operator of the Food Intolerances Network) about food intolerances and particularly additives in food, which we will publishing in our Sep/Nov issue of The Art of Healing. One thing Sue talks about is an additive called annatto, a natural substance and additive which has been found to cause quite severe reactions in some people, and also salicylates which she says are increasing in our food supply. Foods high in salicylates include most fruit, but especially berries and citrus, fruit juices, sultanas, dried fruits, some vegetables, and especially tomato-based sauces. She also said that problems often occur when people eat "a very large does over a very short time". So I certainly had a couple of 'aha' moments when reading this article ie. berries and quantity. I hope this information also serves you well, and look out for the article. It is very good.
18 May 2010 I was listening to an interview with Alanis Morisette yesterday by an American organisation, Feminine Power, which is doing some great work in bringing women together and giving them a global sense of community. The women agreed there were two types of empowerment - individual and global. When discussing the former, Alanis spoke about authentic power which she said for her, was more about personal power, "the degree of correction and attunement to self one has and a highly evolved version of care and ability to soothe oneself as we evolve toward that which we are called to do." She then went on to talk about service, and holding power in service to something that is greater than oneself, as opposed to using power over, or accomplishing simply for the sake of it. She said that during her early rise to fame, she was swept up in the seductive and egoic aspect of the music industry, and if she hadn't been able to return to the service side of it, she would not have continued. The answer she said was service, for people to be able to use her for her own evolution. I really related to this - and hope you do too. I have been getting back into my own music over the last couple of years, and everytime I am called to get up and play and sing on my own, I just can't really get into it. But as soon as I hear voices singing with me, or other instruments joining in - aaaaaah, I can relax. This what it is about. I think of it as a communion. Similarly with The Art of Healing, it is only as good as the collective involved and associated with it, and I never forget that this is how I am able to serve.
11 May 2010
I've recently returned from a fabulous conference in Sydney called the Health, Happiness & Its Causes Conference, which is put on by the Vajrayana Institute annually. The Art of Healing has been involved with the Institute and their events for about 5 years now, and this is about the 3rd one I have personally attended. It is always very well organised, the speakers are well-chosen, and it is always well-attended. However, being an alternative girl, I tend to gravitate a bit to the left of mainstream thinking, pondering on why we are focussing so much on what happiness is, the pursuit of happiness etc. Shouldn't we just be living it rather than analysing it so much? I guess, we do have societies in the Western world that are increasingly plagued by 'depression', so this is one reason that looking at what makes people happy makes sense. Even so, I felt immensely self-satisfied this year, when a few speakers also questioned the role of happiness. Hugh Mackay, Australia's learned social commentator, suggested that perhaps happiness is out of our control, and that without sadness, we would never know what happiness is. "To be fully human", he said, "to be 'normal', is to be occasionally engulfed by waves of grief or sadness, and stymied by feelings of despair, doubt or disappointment." James O'Loughlin, best known as host of Australia's The New Innovators series on ABC TV, walked on stage saying what a beautiful day it was outside and asked why were we all sitting inside listening to people talk about what happiness was? One could not argue. In my opinion, it is relishing those moments, and constantly paying attention to bringing ourselves out of our heads and into what is happening - here and now, that really counts. I was at our beautiful beach this morning, and saw a koala in the tree (this is quite rare) and dolphins swimming - the first time for more than 12 months and it certainly occurred to me how much I am in my head as I walk. Life is such a teacher.
26 April 2010
I feel since I last wrote a blog that I have been to another world and back. It is one thing to research health and healing, but then to experience it - through the passing of a much-loved friend and highly-valued member of our community ... well, it has been a journey. The last few weeks have really brought home how much is beyond our control - be it fate or destiny, and why it is so important to have some solid supports in place. My friends have been absolutely amazing. But I am not out of the woods yet. The incident was quite traumatic, and as with stress, it is sometimes quite difficult to tell what impact it is really having on you. You feel OK, but you find yourself saying things and receiving looks from others that make you feel that you are not OK. You wonder if you have sufficiently grieved, or if you have just buried the pain. Images keep coming up for you. As I go through this experience I keep remembering an article we published about bereavement in Issue 28 - particularly the section on distress where it says "loss involves sadness and often anger as well. These feelings need to be experienced fully and usually repeatedly over time. There is no shame attached to being upset." I have certainly felt the need to blame someone, and asked why. What I think has helped mostly though, is feeling that this was the time for this person to go. It has nothing to do with me or anyone else. So I guess I am trying not to get too bogged down in emotions around it, although it is funny, because externally people seem to expect it. This is what I find the hardest. Meeting the expectations of other people! Grrrrrr....yes, I have anger too. Oh, I do want to say this too, because it is important. Please leave your mobile phones at night time so if there is an emergency, your friends or family can get hold of you. Love and light.
I have just finished reading a great novel about the intricacies of marriage (something I do rarely, as I read a lot of non-fiction for the magazine). It is called Love in Mid Air and is by Kim Wright, who (in real life) divorced her husband 12 years ago and, living in a small town, watched how her divorce impacted on the community around her. The flip-side however was that she became the person that women confided in about their bad marriages, and the notes she kept became the basis for the book. The book itself is about forty-something Elyse, who has a seemingly perfect marriage – a daughter, a cat, a job she likes, a nice house and group of friends, and a husband Phil who is a Dentist. However flying back from a work trip she meets a married man she is attracted to, and …eventually … she says yes.Love in Mid Air is witty, intelligent, intense, and sexy, and gives a provocative take on marriage and adultery. Kim also explores the notion of how women often ‘settle’ for what is normal or ‘acceptable’, and how the central character Elyse's affair challenges her relationship with her husband – but also her close circle of friends who feel threatened by her behaviour. Definitely in the ‘can’t put it down’ category, Love in Mid Air is sharp and seductive, and offers up some great tips – within the bedroom and without! http://theartofhealing.com.au/bookreview1.htm
8 March 2010
I was thinking this morning (as I meandered back from my board room on the beach) about being a woman - being International Women's Week. I was thinking about my own growth over the years, and where I am now in relation to other women and my perception of where women are at in the world today. And you know, we have come a long way, but gee, I think we have so far to go. And that is exciting. If we look at how we are raising our kids for example, are we happy with that? Is how we are raising our kids being reflected back to us through what is going on in the world? How responsible are we really being? Do you think there is something not quite right about us blaming the world we are in, saying that we are having to exist in a patriotic society and that it is men who are at fault? Do you think, that perhaps it is time for women to reclaim their feminity, and to think about existing in this patriotic world as women - rather than pseudo men? As Trudy Johnston wrote in her article entitled 'Man Woman' for Wellbeing magazine, "Most men ...are unclear of what their purpose for being on the planet is because, normally, they would be assisting women, but the moment that women go into being a man, then who do they assist?". Bullseye. And you know, I think a lot of us know it too. Not an easy thing to do though. I know that I definitely present as more masculine than feminine, and in fact, I'm not really into wearing frilly frocks etc. But I have a feeling there is more to getting in touch with my feminine side than this, and it is real fun finding out... although, I can't help thinking there are men out there who are more feminine (naturally), and women who are more masculine (naturally)....where would be without our ruminating minds!
3 March 2010
You know, we forget how little we need of something to make a difference. With respect to food particularly, or whatever we put in our mouths, just think of how much is in a tablet. Yes, I know, this is concentrated, and there are lots of factors to take into consideration here...but, when you start thinking about how a tablet, just one, can change things in our bio-chemistry, it really makes you think. I am currently on an elimination diet, and so have to cut out dairy and gluten. I was out for lunch yesterday, and I was eyeing off a gluten-free chocolate brownie - with walnuts. I actually had a beautiful salad for lunch, after chatting with the chef about what I could eat that didn't have dairy or gluten in them (and dairy does include goats milk so therefore goats cheese). Basically I am finding that there are so many foods that contain milk! But, I did go back for the brownie. However, I have been told that I should not eat chocolate. So, I am in a bit of dilemna...and feeling a bit bad, because I really want to do this diet thing right. When I left the natural health clinic last week, I went away with some documents that informed me about what foods I can include, and what foods I should avoid. At the bottom are the words "Remember!A small amount of an offending food does matter! The diet in the initial 2 weeks must be strict". So I felt compelled to share that with you here, because my mind keeps saying - oh, a little bit won't hurt. But, it does. And if you are a person who knows, or thinks, you might react to things, perhaps, like me, you might also like to pay attention to this. I also bought some rice crackers last week, which I eat fairly regularly - usually the seaweed, but I bought some plain rice crackers and some tomato salsa crackers, which I thought would be a change. But of course it has flavourings. I mean, I knew that...but I forgot. Similarly, I was eating a homemade basil pesto last week and suddenly realised it contains parmesan cheese. And check out the sauces! I really love to use Oyster Sauce in my stir frys, or chinese sauces - which I thought I was being quite careful about. They all contain wheat. Couldn't believe it. By the way, I still not minding the diet - it is just that I am quite astounded, on a daily basis, on what I am finding I am eating that has stuff in it, when I thought I was eating quite organically.
26 February 2010
Well I just have to say, I am not minding this blogging at all. I always have way more information coming in than I can get out through The Art of Healing magazine, so blogging, Facebook, and Twitter are perfect tools to keep the information moving. I would also like to make a stand against all the disparagers of computers out there. I think they are a fantastic way to bring people together, and to feel connected. It must also improve writing skills? So here is the latest...I was reading in the local newsletter put out by the Maple Street Co-Op in Maleny (Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia), that accordingly to trendsspotting.com, 96 percent of Generation Ys (who apparently now outnumber the baby boomers) have joined an online social network. Further, mashable.com reports that it took radio 38 years to reach 50 million people, it took TV 13 years, the Internet four years, and the iPod three years. However it has taken Facebook only 9, that's NINE months, to reach 100 million users. Outrageous isn't it. As I said, I am currently enjoying it. I do agree with the anti-computer advocates however, that you do have to watch how much time it all takes, and I find my energy really becomes sapped. One remedy for this by the way, is to have a himalayan salt lamp placed in close proximity to your computer, and an afternoon siesta or meditation session also works.
25 February 2010
Well I just made it back from the beach in time this morning - it's pouring here! But just love the rain. We are so lucky where we live on the north coast of NSW in Australia, as we receive some of the highest rainfall in Australia. I am also just eating a 'new' breakfast, since being told earlier this week that I have to cut all dairy and gluten completely out of my diet. I had thought that I was already cutting out gluten, but found out that in fact, eating spelt and kamut breads, and soaking muesli overnight was not enough. So I am currently eating brown rice with coconut milk, pecans and honey. Quite nice, needs a bit more modification for my palate though - I really like sweet things in the morning, so I am going to try Maple syrup next time. I reckon that will clinch it. I'm also just going through the latest media releases I have received over the last couple of days, and the most important one is 'Osteoporosis drugs may be risking lives'. This advice has been received from the University of Sydney and is the result of research conducted by Professor Gustav Duque who has concluded that a drug called alendronate, a drug commonly used in Australia to treat osteoporosis, can lead to blood clots and strokes. Please help us to spread this information to others.
23 February 2010
I went to see a new practitioner this morning. A GP - with a holistic approach, who had come highly recommended. In fact I recalled I had been told about him a few times over the years, but today was the day. And all I can say is, thank goodness. After many years of suffering with irritable bowell, I think I have finally found someone who has a good understanding of this area. In fact, turns out this is his specialty. But you know, life is so much about timing. I really did get quite sick over the Christmas period, which for the first time, frightened me a bit. So that pushed me to look more closely at my health and further changes I needed to make. Consequently, there were three new things I decided to do. The first was to keep a daily food diary, and to include on it how many hours sleep I get, what exercise I do, and what may have been stressing me. This has also helped me to see how consistent my hours of eating, sleeping, getting up are. Secondly, I decided I needed to look for help again. I have done this a few times over the years of course, but have just never really found the right person. So everytime I have had to 'put myself out there' I have not found it easy, simply because of a lack of trust. But this time I realised that I am not getting any younger and so really need a professional to understand my health issues, and I had to acknowledge, that as well as I do know my body, I really wanted to work 'with' someone on healing it, rather than think I could solve everything on my own. I figured the combination of my knowing, and a practitioner's knowledge - if I could find someone I trusted, would have to be the best option. But this time I decided I would go and see a health practitioner when I was feeling good, instead of when I was not well. So it actually felt good, when I was asked "so how can I help you today" to answer "well, I've come to see you because I am healthy". At least, I got a laugh! But now...I have to embark on an elimination diet - for the next 4 weeks. I can't even eat chocolate! Aaaaah. Not that I am a chocoholic, but I just find for energy it is great. I also have to cut out all milk products which includes butter - that will also be missed...(I'm a Kiwi girl). The rest ie. going on a gluten-free diet, I think I can cope with. Have doing that pretty much anyway...but, we'll see how I go.
16 February 2010
I just received my first issue of Tricycle magazine yesterday - the Buddhist Review from Canada. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. I have only just begun to read it, and it is very good. (I was interested to note that Philip Glass is on the Board of Directors). In the Editor's View written by James Shaheen, he spoke about a book he came across called The Underachiever's Manifesto: The guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great by Ray Bennett, M.D. Now some of you maybe thinking, yeah right, like we now need to read books on how to do nothing. But, in discussing the value of meditation, he quoted a piece from this book which I felt compelled to share here; "If we have ambitions - even if our aim is enlightenment - then there is no meditation...This is why an important characteristic of shamatha [calm abiding] meditation is to let go of any goal and simply sit for the sake of sitting. We breathe in and out, and we just watch that. Nothing else. It doesn't matter if we get enlightenment or not. It doesen't matter if our friends get enlightened faster. Who cares? We are just breathing...Nothing else. We let go of our ambitions. This includes trying to do a perfect shamatha mediation." This excerpt from the book was written by Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche. James then goes on to talk about the Type A personality who are basically over-achievers, and who find it very, very difficult to sit around doing nothing for long periods of time (I hope some of you are relating to this as much as I am!). Also mentioned is multi-skilling, which is something I also find I need to observe. (In my opinion, us females really need to pay attention to this, because it really is not good for our health.) According to Pablo Picasso: "You must always work not just within, but below your means. If you can handle three elements, handle only two. If you can handle ten, then handle only five. In that way, the ones you do handle, you handle with more ease, more mastery, and you create a feelig of strength in reserve".
13 February 2010
I am so, so happy. I have just eaten a piece of certified organic watermelon with black pips! I am just so grateful in the knowing that finally, I am know I am eating real food. And it was just delicious! Do you remember when you got down to the core, or inner skin, how juicy it used to be, so that when you eat it you actually have to suck at the same to time to stop it all from dribbling down the side of your mouth? How easily we forget these things. Like onions, do you remember when you would never volunteer to help with chopping the onions because they would sting your eyes so much? When is the last time that happened to you with the onions you currently buy. It's so good that we all starting to pay attention to what we eat, and are reading labels to find out what additives, preservatives, food colourings are in some foods, but I wonder how often we actually stop and really look at our fruit and veges. Do you think they are really grown so perfectly - naturally? And then OK, so you do need some tomoatoes for lunch and you haven't got time to go elsewhere, so you buy them...begrudgingly. Then you get the home, make a sandwhich and - no taste....and then you notice after a couple of days that they are already soft. So how can we say that we don't want to pay extra to buy certified organic, when the extra cost would probably be what we are losing with the currrently 'pesticide-laden, fertiliser-fed' supermarket variety. Food for thought...
10 February 2010
I have been thinking about the significance of the Copenhagen talks and their inability to fulfil everybody’s expectations. This fact alone is so big, in so many ways. The way I have been looking at it, is once again it has showed us that we have to stop thinking that others can do the work for us. In whatever guise that might be, from macro to micro eg. governments, to doctors/practitioners, to us. For me, it’s showing us that we, each and everyone of us, has to stand up and be counted. We all have to contribute, in our own ways and stop relying and expecting for others to do the job. This is how change will come about. From grass roots ie. from us, as individuals, to our communities, and so on spiralling out. I so needed to put this in writing as I need to keep reminding myself of this. We have to stop looking outward, when so many of the answers are within, and we also need reach out to others, connect with others, work with others. It is so important in these times. I am currently really enjoying arranging more exchanges with people where no cash is involved, and the more this happens, the more I wonder if in fact we are heading towards a cashless society. Wouldn’t that would be great. Just have a think about that and how that would affect and change the way we live.
